I knew there was a problem with my little treats when my lazy days became less of a once-in-a-while thing and more of a daily routine. Not only that, but that special coffee outside of the house had become a daily ritual. And the thing we’re all guilty of- spending my money on little things that I didn’t need on a regular basis.
I think it’s easy to fall into the habit of getting a “little treat” on a daily basis if we are constantly seeing others get their treats on social media. Their encouragement and reminder that we deserve a treat can make us feel like, “well yeah. Of course, I deserve a treat.” But is it really a treat when we are constantly treating ourselves?
Ritual vs. reward
Treating ourselves can be thought of like a reward- something we earn once we complete a task or achieve some sort of goal. Honestly, if used correctly, rewards can help us maintain momentum, give us a positive dopamine boost, and encourage us to keep making progress toward our goals. But the truth is, we aren’t treating our little treats like rewards. More often than not, they have become rituals
So what’s the difference? Well, a ritual is following a series of actions or a type of behavior regularly and invariably. So that daily Starbucks run before work, the way we quickly justify impulse purchases from social media, and even grabbing fast food when there’s food at home (that you said you would eat because you are in your ‘healthy girl era’) are less like rewards and more like rituals if you practice them often enough. The problem isn’t the ritual. The problem is when we stop being intentional about the ritual, and it becomes routine. That’s when joy fades. And a routine without meaning? (Comment below a routine that you continue to practice that doesn’t have meaning below- I’d love to hear!)
The downside of this is that we end up with little routines that have lost their sparkle, even when they are supposed to be a reward. Those routines become less rewarding, and we were left wondering why we don’t feel the same joy that we used to feel when we would engage in them previously. We’re left wondering why that latte doesn’t taste as good, or why scrolling doesn’t feel like rest. It’s not that the treat changed; it’s the fact that we’re no longer present for it. Our treat becomes a coping mechanism, and indulgence becomes the norm.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for treating myself. But lately I’ve been treating myself a little too much. Even when I say that my goals are to become healthier and to prioritize my growth, I’m stuck eating fast food or lazing about in my room after work when I could be making small changes towards my goals. So, instead of my life being a healthy mix of balance and flexibility, it has become more about flexibility and not balance.
Sometimes our choices look healthy on the surface, but they’ve lost their meaning. “Self-care” that’s just spending or scrolling is avoidance, not actual care.
So, how do we even the scales when everyone around us encourages a “treat yo’ self” mentality?
Honestly, that is something I am constantly working through. I’m learning that balance isn’t about perfect structure. It’s about intentional structure. I don’t want to live in extremes where I am treating myself constantly or restricting myself completely. I want a life where joy feels intentional. Where the small indulgences still sparkle because I choose them, not because I’ve stopped noticing.
The truth is that the practice of being more intentional is a process. So here are a few journal prompts for both of us to work through around treating ourselves. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll be able to keep our little treats as treats and not mindless distractions.
Journal Prompts:
What used to feel like a luxury, but now feels like a given? How do you feel about that shift right now?
Has [INSERT TREAT HERE] become a mindless habit, or is it a ritual I’m still choosing?
What was the last thing you called a “treat”? Did it actually feel special?
What everyday routines could you turn into rituals, something that you can savor with intention instead of rushing through?
What would a real treat feel like right now? Think of something that sparks joy when you think about it.